My womb is a saloon of pure twilight,
yet the lamp of breaking dawn.
Longing for no fruit like bitter apples,
but for all the daughters and the sons.
Recalling a colder winter, my mind holds doubt
like an axe that cuts the cord.
Yet, my heart is a crafty weaver
mending together all the fabrics
whether tattered or even torn.
Then one day I gave birth to an ocean
in the shipwreck of my days,
and I let go of sorrows lonely helm
reaching out my hands to pray.
Now my hips have beheld eternity.
The echo of eons past, yet future’s song.
For my womb is a saloon of pure twilight,
and the lamp of breaking dawn.
Linking with Shay's Word Garden Word List #13 (Gordon Lightfoot)
Image Source Photo by Rachel Claire from Pexels
I really like your title line and the way you bring the whole thing around, Carrie! There is one quibble I have, though. The absence of any punctuation made it difficult to read, for me. I kept getting lost or waiting for the place to take a breath. Sometimes no punctuation works in poetry. Rob K. says punctuation is for "people with no imagination." I find that, 99% of the time, it makes things clearer, and easier for your reader. You might consider it. That said, I am so glad that you like the lists and I love seeing you and your work each week! See you at Muse in a few days, friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Shay. I do appreciate that you always give feedback that is genuine and helpful. I guess I have had a bad habit and I am a creature of habit, to not use any punctuation in my poems until the period at the end. Punctuations and me sometimes don't see eye to eye....LOL I will go to my draft and play with it a bit. If I feel like I did it right....I may edit this and re-publish. Yes, I am loving the list, and sometimes I just can't make it, but this week inspiration struck me hard and I got it done. I look forward to seeing you at the Muse my friend, and thank you for always having my back. :-)
DeleteI love the revision!
DeleteYay!!! Thank you so much Shay for your always helpful poetic wisdom!
Delete"one day I gave birth to an ocean/in the shipwreck of my days.." That is the line that the poem revolves around for me. It gives a picture of time, and how we learn from our mistakes and experiences until they flow out of us as something transformed.
ReplyDeleteThank you Joy. That line does have a big meaning in my heart.
DeleteLove your body parts vignette in a Poem. Not being super intrigued with the physical your lines, ". . . my mind holds doubt
ReplyDeletelike an axe that cuts the cord
yet my heart is a crafty weaver . . ."
All using sooo many of the prompt words.
Good Job!!
Thank you Jim. I think we both have been enjoying the word lists.
DeleteGreat job Carrie ~~ working with word lists can prove tricky, you managed it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Helen but I do find they inspire me in a cool way verses an image. Thank you for your encouragement. I really enjoyed your American Sentence!
DeleteCarrie, I love you bringing the many aspects of the womb in to rolling focus and how you bring it back at the end, where the reader sees it with new eyes.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely gorgeous. So many amazing images. I love that you open and close with the same lines.
ReplyDelete"Then one day I gave birth to an ocean"
ReplyDeletea powerful poem. the line i quoted above feels like giving one self entirely to the world, to live outwardly, rather than inward, i like that. reminds my of a saying i heard years ago, to find happiness, one must "bring back a flower, from a place with no sorrow" which i always took to mean to be happy is to make others happy. enjoyed your poem very much